***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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