whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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