I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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