the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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