It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
