i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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