Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
