What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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