I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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