I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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