phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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