He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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