I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
