Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
