i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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