So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
