Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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