During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
