This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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