Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I didn't notice because vodka
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
