i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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