WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
