1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
