chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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