On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
