The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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