It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
