I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
