Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We named our party play list daddy issues
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
