I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
