Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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