...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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