hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
