hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
