you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
