By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
