I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
