He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have aggressive nipples.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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