I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
