how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
