Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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