I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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