If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
