I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
