I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
