This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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