his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
