So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
