it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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