Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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