When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
