I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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