so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
