PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
